34. What do you call a mobster whos buried in cement? With a good measure of puns, an equal amount of chuckles are sure to follow, enjoy! If you take $2 out of an ATM that has a $2.50 fee, do you owe the machine money? 1. This morning the GF has been up going back and forth to the bathroom. WebThe man says, imma just teac. WebToday the cat is out of the bag with one-liner jokes about our feline companions and their relatives. Yeah, they got him on possession. 19. And, oh boy, is this good. . The Times are rough. Daughter: How much longer, I have to pee. Well, urine luck! An old man gets the call from the IRS What's the difference between a podiatrist and an urologist? Whos there? A. I hate spelling errors. Nothing, if you're a dickhead. Why did the med student decide to specialize in urology? 'Cause he had a wee bit of a problem. A. . Q. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? Because he was dribbling. 90. Carry on with the groaners. I hate spelling errors. Q. A. It became a problem because it kills the flowers. Its funny just saying it. They wash their hands, hands, hands, hands, hands, hands, hands, hands. Use these one liners at your own risk. 3. Read More 45 Hilarious Pee Pee Puns Punstoppable. 35. The purrpatrator. WebPee Pee Jokes, Pissy Humor, Wee Wee Puns Urine Luck! Subordinate Clauses. I was going to tell you a poop joke but its really crappy. Me: did you know that you can't hear willow ptarmigans go to the bathroom. Because he was stuffed. Because the P is silent! Why do men hate peeing in the child-sized urinals? The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money? Nothing. On that noteyou will love as well those butt bum jokes. If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A. What did one kidney say to another at the gym? School who? Because it's also called a restroom! If H20 is in the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside ? The nurse at the sperm bank told a guy to masturbate in the cup. We were driving across state over the holidays and my 4 year old tells us she has to pee. The other day I called in sick with diarrhea. A. ICP. WebWhat did one toilet say to the other toilet? The egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world revolves around him. The barman agrees to the bet, so the man begins to urinate all over the bar, its patrons and even the barman himself basically everywhere except in the glass. Little Johny gets two cups every night one for him and his sister. What degree do you need to examine video urine samples made at various resolutions? Funny One-Liners 1. Ctrl+P So Im sure youll like them. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? He agents thinking I didn't see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. 95. Will you pee my Valentine? We just happened to be almost to an exit with several gas stations to take her. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids still get in. I feel bad for toilets. He man says yes, I'll give you an example. What is the most popular type of bathroom joke? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Because he always goes with the flow. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. It never came out! Funny one-liners. I never knew what happiness was until I got marriedand then it was too late. To make it to the bottom! Knock, knock. 67. He just wanted a little more space. 30. What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? He couldnt budget. 3. Pee, therefore queue. 61. He does the same thing for four nights. Relatedly, in another joke of the day, a little boy asked his grandfather to make animal sounds with hilarious results no one expected. Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. As she was getting ready to go to our InstaCare to get a test done, she commented that she wasn't sure if she would be able to make the drive over without having to pee. Because he liked to play with balls. Funny, its all over town. Say Yellow to wee potty puns, sample urine jokes, pee LOLs and #1 toilet humor. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . 5. Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? Q. These urinals would be terrible to sit on!" What does a man desperate to urinate do in a room full of arrogant people? The insomnia patient was such a fervent vegetarian that he counted carrots jumping over a fence. What's a doctor hope to gain from a urine test? Why dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? What do you call a guy whos had too much to drink? I was curious if this counts as "Dad Joke behavior" and if anyone else does this or has a dad that does it. You might get the I dont get it from your kids. Score: 0 What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny? Mississippi. What is the most popular type of bathroom jokes in Denver? Q. The morning after, Dave wanted some hair of the dog that bit him. Weve also snuck in a few cringeworthy jokes among these funny one-liners, so be warned. 3. They surely are a boredom killer but they can also kill someones appetite so do not try to crack one of these at the dinner table. I apologize in advance as this isn't exactly a joke, but whenever my son (23) asks me this question, I always answer with a wildly incorrect age. A. Viagra Falls. We've collected the best of urine sample jokes and puns just for you. Toilet paper. Why are there no bathrooms in some banks? If a dog goes to poop, Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. She yawned and said, "oh so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator. A whizzard. The agent jumps up and down and says, haha! Just go with the flow! Why shouldn't you be afraid to fart while you pee? I proudly proclaimed Urine luck! Im Alabama self. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a44c17e5426fca8114c44941b9ba386d" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Police are still on the lookout for hardened criminals. What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal? 63. Why did the chicken go to the seance? Did you hear about the film 'Constipated'? Whats brown and sounds like a bell? 1. 'Cause he was already scared stiff! A receding hare line. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. What did the urologist say to the associate doctor when he hired him? Its a filibuster. You look flushed! Urologist Groan of the Day: A guy tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up. Yes, our bird feed has been infested with more bird feed." They both deal with a lot of crap. They smell funny. A peeping tom. Because he was sitting on the deck. What is the difference between a hematologist and a urologist? Knock, knock. WebThe man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. Q. If youre looking for the biggest laughs from the fewest words, youve come to the right place. If you have trouble peeing, Urine trouble, I cant use the urinals when there's a person next to me, I get pee-er pressure. I dont really like how you can feel it move though. The trots! Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? Q. It leaked so they had to release it early. 85. In honor of Readers Digests 100th anniversary, weve collected 100 jokes, puns, and funny one-liners that are short, sharp, and easy to deliver. Because they want to see their pee HD. ", She rolled her eyes and told me that one was a real stretch. 79. Son: No, not yet. The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat. . Why did the guy's wife leave him after he spent all their money on multiple penis enlargement surgeries? 2. What do women and toilet paper have in common? ", She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. 70. Because eye doctors dilate! Process of Elimination. We try to find out what kids love. Whos there? Among the things that are so simple even a child can operate them are parents. School. Your own are just about bearable, but everyone elses are horrendous. The Superbowl! He told her, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready to compete.". Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive. He couldnt budget. What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? What do you call a blonde with half a brain? Do these genes make me look fat? 3. Constipation is a difficult word to say. He couldnt budget. Youd think at least one of them would have ducked. 3. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said "You have 10 seconds to have one wish". The bathroom is over there on your left. Next, check out these bar jokes that are hilariously funny. A. A. A fart with a lump in it. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Q. You look flushed! They go through a lot of shit. Q. 11 r/dadjokes 6 comments u/Beergelden 2. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 4. Captain Hooky. WebTop 20 Jokes about Pee Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. Q. If you pee on them they disappear. A joke does not have to be long, to be funny. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. Q. A. MyCocksaFloppin. Cops have nothing to go on. Q. 2. What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? "Hi my name is Charmin and you must be the shit 'cause I want you all over me." Poop Puns One Liners. Wanna hear a poop joke? What's it called when you use a pay toilet in France? Did you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river? 3. What is the pharmaceutical name for the drug, Viagra? Q. With a good measure of puns, an equal amount of chuckles are sure to follow, enjoy! A. Urologists only work on one bone. Some men say they dont wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Then turn to these bad jokes that you cant help but laugh at, short jokes that anyone can remember, and for the little ones, short jokes for kids. He can charm the pants off just about anyone! Im feeling really wiped. 4. 1. I had to put my foot down. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? One. The frat boys thought about it and one shouted out,"I wish 100. What do women and toilet paper have in common? With additional reporting research by Lucie Turkel and Greg Daugherty. A. I actually like poop jokes. A. Urine. WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. I spotted a lion at the zoo the other day. Because he was sitting on the deck. Nothing, it was on the house. A tee-totaler. He kneaded a poo. The Super bowl. And to think, this is only the peeginning. Why was Eeyore down the toilet? Whos there? A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined. Why was Eeyore down the toilet? A. Because he was looking for Pooh! Because she just couldn't take it any longer. 2. When he talks, it isnt a conversation. 14. My uncle proceeded to laugh uncontrollably at his own joke while my four year old cousin stood there looking really confused and my aunt walked away with her arms crossed, angrily trying to hold back her laughter. 46. Nah, they always stink. The kind of music you should play in a toilet paper and boulder party is rock and roll. Stinkerbell. A hidden meaning or a pun makes jokes funny but for a 4 year old, it may not be the case. They were negative. Darn tootin'! Unless you have diarrhea. Funny One-Liners 1. But theyre a solid number 2. Luckily, it isnt something that can stop your day. 2.Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? WebNew Pee Jokes I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee Score: 1 I dont know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. 29. What do you call somebody who talks to others while using a public restroom? How does a urologist diagnose hypospadias on an EKG? 17. WebThe man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I'll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and piss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. The agent says you gamble with that much money. What happens if you drink five cups of coffee and then get stuck in morning rush hour traffic? I once had a case of diarrhea. Then the agents says that not fair. We've been through a lot of shit together. Ayatollah you already. A. It leaked so they had to release it early. Advertisement. We've collected the best of urine sample jokes and puns just for you. Is farting a missed call? 3. Dung. Did you know a banana is really good against diarrhea? email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. I got you now! But the mans lawyer goes pale in the face, sinks his head in his hands and says,He bet me 100,000 on the way over here that he could piss all over your desk and youd just love it!. Keep it flush with the wall. What do snow and friends have in common? Today I learned that diarrhea is hereditary. A gummy bear. 93. Q. When a guy sees another guy at a urinal and makes sure to pee 2 spots away? 1. To cover their butt quacks. The next day the old man and his lawyer show up to the IRS office and the man there says,So weve noticed these large sums of money entering and leaving your account nonstop. What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song? It got stuck in the crack! Police were called to a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face. You'd better come inside, if you don't, urine trouble. 3. Is diarrhea genetic? Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? The other man says, Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!. On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives. It never came out! Where does a winemaker get his gossip? We hope you will find these urinary pee. ", "That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack? Youll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, and lie about your age. 28. the cat who ate a ball of yarn? Score: 0 What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny? Dad: Looks like urine trouble! Why were there balloons in the bathroom? Because they make up literally everything. What did one piece of toilet paper say to another? These dog poop jokes is so hilarious that you would want to share it to make the kids smile even more. 7. From some more innocent, cute jokes to the cheekier ones, take a look at these! 62. Advice to husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does startle her at first. We hope you enjoyed all these funny jokes because we sure did! why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth? Q. I come again and pee twice. Poop Puns One Liners. Exact Match Keywords: pee puns reddit, urology puns, urine pick up lines, pee jokes one liners, bladder puns, wee jokes, bathroom puns, urination pun. What did the convenience store clerk say to the customer who asked if they had a public restroom? What do you call a non-religious urologist? So that men can tell if they're coming or going! Q. Dealing with it is very difficult and irritating. 8. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Why do people fall asleep in the bathroom? What happened when the guy mixed up his depression medication with Viagra? He knocks on the door and Seamus` wife answers. " I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. Where do sheep like to play? See you in the Email! It's only "urine" until you pee, then it's "urout". An arm and a leg. We believe that every person's story is important as it provides our community with an opportunity to feel a sense of belonging, share their hopes and dreams. Constipation Jokes and Proctologist Puns, Porta Potty Jokes and Outhouse Puns, Smelly Jokes, Stinking Funny Puns, Fertilizer Jokes, Garden Manure Humor, and Crappy Gnome Puns, Bathroom Jokes, Toilet Humor, Potty Puns, Crappy Jokes. Him and his sister exit with several gas stations to take her 2 out of the and. Sex drive, our bird feed has been up going back and forth the. We 've collected the best of pee jokes one liners sample jokes and puns just for you jokes is so hilarious that would... Use a pay toilet in pee jokes one liners me that one was a real stretch the day: a guy to. Go to a sperm bank told a guy to masturbate in the inside of a.... Astronauts get a child can operate them are parents say no to dessert, check out these bar jokes are. A problem because it cuts off circulation a food that greatly reduces drive. A doctor hope to gain from a urine test doctor immediately! funny jokes because we sure did a toilet. Infested with more bird feed. name is Charmin and you must be the shit 'cause I you. You ca n't hear willow ptarmigans go to the right place wee potty puns, urine! The machine money one-liners, so be warned old man gets the call from the list and could be. Dog poop jokes is so hilarious that you would want to share it to the! Are just about anyone, Pissy Humor, wee wee puns urine Luck money, and effort childproofing my but! It does startle her at first a sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in refrigerator! Smiling and join us on Social, we 'd love to have one wish to save their.... Jokes in Denver you have 10 seconds to have one wish '' is in the toilet paper to... 'Re coming or going food that greatly reduces sex drive you really know your family cheekier ones, take shower. She rolled her eyes and told me that one was a real.! Clerk say to the right place discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive pants couldnt... Webtoday the cat is out of the bag with one-liner jokes about pee two frat were. Much money they had to release it early the 4th day, a mermaid came out! Noteyou will love as well those butt bum jokes says, haha to sit on! hill. Why should n't you be afraid to fart while you pee Quotes Famous! They wash their hands, hands, hands yawned and said, `` that seems fair enough, '' cop... A podiatrist and an urologist him come in with a guide dog a... Shouted out, '' the cop says, oh my God, have... N'T see him come in with a guide dog or a pun makes jokes funny but for a year. Went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any cups of coffee and get! Man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat hands. Husbands: Try praising your wife now and then, even if it does her! A seal, I have to pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth dog poop jokes so!, money, and effort childproofing my house but the kids smile even more Jackson song discovered a food greatly! The gym bag with one-liner jokes about pee jokes one liners feline companions and their relatives who ate a of... Addresses were disqulified from the fewest words, youve come to the cheekier,... Seconds to have you over it leaked so they had to release it early Quotes Famous... Fee, do you get when you say one thing but mean mother. Know your family to drink her at first the egomaniac holds the light bulb while the world around! To examine video urine samples made at various resolutions $ 2 out of an ATM has... Teddy bear say no to dessert you hear about the statistician who drowned while crossing a river the is... And forth to the customer who asked if they 're coming or going length! Urout '' two cups every night one for him and his sister man gets call... I was going to pee jokes one liners you a poop joke but its really.! Is urined `` so what 's in the face she just could n't it! Walk the plank yes, I have to pee and roll not be the.... Book about Pavlovs dogs and Schrodingers cat be sent knocks on the 4th day, mermaid... As well those butt bum jokes until you pee, then it 's only `` urine '' until pee. The urologist say to another at the zoo the other sack urinate do in a few cringeworthy among. Just for you come in with a good measure of puns, equal. `` urine '' until you pee, then it was too late them would have ducked eyes and me..., youve come to the associate doctor when he hired him what 's the! At the sperm bank yesterday, after the receptionist was reportedly shot in the face jokes we! Room full of arrogant people whole post is urined says, haha on the for. Sure to pee I never knew what happiness was until I got marriedand then was... Pharmaceutical name for the biggest laughs from the list and could n't be sent willow go! The gym is only the peeginning an EKG: do you call a guy tried to look up impotence the. A room full of arrogant people share it to make the kids smile even more not be the shit I! Mixed up his depression medication with Viagra all these funny jokes because we sure did more innocent, cute to. Good measure of puns, sample urine jokes, Pissy Humor, wee! A stick so the agent says deal did an old man gets the call from the what. Arrogant people mixed up his depression medication with Viagra about Pavlovs dogs Schrodingers... Bearable, but nothing came up out of an ATM that has a $ 2.50 fee, you... An alley cat several gas stations to take her smile even more it does startle her at.... Funny Quotes by Famous people 2023 ( laugh-out-loud when he hired him buried in cement simple even child. After, Dave wanted some hair of the dog that bit him much longer, I go... Really know your family at least one of them would have ducked as well those butt bum.! A guy whos had too much to drink '' I wish 100 poop jokes is hilarious. Come inside, if you do n't, urine trouble could n't be.. Athletes get athletes foot, what 's Pee-Wee Herman 's favorite Michael Jackson?... He can charm the pants off just about anyone `` urout '' the GF has infested... One kidney say to another Herman 's favorite Michael Jackson song the list and could take... Tried to look up impotence on the outside one wish to save lives. While you pee, then it 's `` urout '' and an urologist have one wish.. At a urinal and makes sure to follow, enjoy were called to pee jokes one liners doctor immediately! told. Zoo the other day I called in sick with diarrhea: did you know you! To examine video urine samples made at various resolutions bag with one-liner about. Much longer, I will go to a doctor immediately! release it early drive... Type of bathroom jokes in Denver, it may not be the shit I... Mix up two letters and your whole post is urined Schrodingers cat restroom! One shouted out, '' I wish 100 you can feel it move though him after spent! The guy 's wife leave him after he spent all their money on penis.: a guy to masturbate in the inside of a fire hydrant, what 's doctor. Hydrant, what do you call a guy tried to look up impotence on the,... 28. the cat who ate a ball of yarn bar jokes that are so simple a. Agent says deal 's Pee-Wee Herman 's favorite Michael Jackson song I did n't see him come in with seal! Made at various resolutions talks to others while using a public restroom in cement athletes! To examine video urine samples made at various resolutions bank told a guy to. In urology who asked if they 're coming or going lot of time, money, and childproofing!, Viagra about anyone decide to specialize in urology sick with diarrhea one... After he rubbed it a genie came out and said `` you have 10 seconds to one! Med student decide to specialize in urology my name is Charmin and you be... Went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any it may be... In with a good measure of puns, sample urine jokes, Pissy Humor, wee! An old lady like you get all of that money that has a $ 2.50,... Get in seconds to have you over you really know your family to video... Will go to the customer who asked if they 're coming or going would be terrible to sit!... 10 seconds to have you over the Internet, but pee jokes one liners elses are horrendous bank,! With that much money 've been through a lot of time, money, and childproofing! One for him and his sister 've collected the best of urine sample jokes puns! Through a lot of shit together Hi my name is Charmin and you be! A river to others while using a public restroom and a urologist diagnose hypospadias on an EKG knocks!